Monday, 11 May 2009

Dear Peter Andre & Jordan

What? WHAT? You're splitting up?! You mean there... won't be any more docudramas? No more nauseatingly tacky OK! cover-spreads? No rallying point around which the world's idiots can congregate to formulate perceptions of that one true love?


(Beat, throwing arms to sky):

- WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???!!!

OH! OH! OH GOD! NO! Say it ain't...

- WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???!!!

I... I... I can't even find the strength to go on, and it...

- WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???!!!

Truly, this is worse news than even the Holocaust.

Regards,
Davis.

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