Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Dear Lionel Richie


Hear me now, Li! (Is it alright if I call you 'Li'?)

After watching your "2 smoove" crooning behind the embalmed corpse of the King of Pop at the Michael Jackson memorial show, I wanted to just share my vision, Jim Bowen-style, for how it might've played out given a little more thought to the showmanship of the thing. Here's what you could've won...

Wouldn't it have been genuinely amazing if instead you'd performed Hello and, at the climactic moment (marked in the video where that blind bit o' totty clasps her hands round your sullen mush), at the utmost pivotal "Hello...!", Jacko's body popped up out of his golden casket and, via the miracle of invisible wire puppetry, flapped around onstage like a sad parody of Weekend at Bernie's?

Seriously, now. I can help but feel like you've missed out on a serious opportunity for TV gold there. It would've kicked Janet's tit falling out at the Superbowl into a cocked hat.


PS - "...Hello...!"