Saturday 9 July 2011

Dear Stones Throw Records

I realise that budgets and advances are probably tight at the moment, but you couldn't give that cunt Aloe Blacc a dollar just to shut him up, could you?


As for you, Aloe - give it a rest, eh? I need a blow-job, but you don't hear me writing a fucking song about it.

Regards,
Davis.

PS - Good record, like.

PPS - You're not related to Aloe Vera by any chance, are you?

Dear Harry Potter fans, Harry Potter creators, Harry Potter marketers

Is it over yet? Fucking hell. Please let it be over. I don't think I can take another week of having the following conversation for the 5,000,000th time in the last decade -

SQUEALING FAN: "Have you seen the new Harry Potter film yet?"
RATIONAL ADULT: "No."
SQUEALING FAN: "Why not?!"
RATIONAL ADULT: "I'm not 10."
SQUEALING FAN: "Have you read the book though?"
RATIONAL ADULT: "No."
SQUEALING FAN: "Why not?!"
RATIONAL ADULT: "I'm not 10."

- I could go on. God knows, you all have for long enough.


Exasperated regards,
Davis.

PS - Get a bra would you, Jo? And stop crying every five seconds - you're a grown woman, for fuck's sake, and it's not even real.