Saturday, 23 July 2011

Dear Tabloid Press, Gossip Merchants, Fans At Gigs Who Were Booing Five Minutes Ago, World

Well, you got what you wanted. Happy now?

Couldn't give a shit for Amy 'Wino' Winehouse, her music, mangled vocal phrasing or her private life; never did, never will. But I speak through gritted teeth when I say that the dripping hypocrisy of the simpering eulogies contained in your grubby pages tomorrow will be truly sickening.

27, Amy; just in time to join 'That Stupid Club' and hop on the Canonisation Train, which can now keep on a-rollin' for many a year. Just as well we have the following rhapsodies from Twitter to see us through the coming years of 5CD reissues, unreleased toilet demos and dewy-eyed tributes from Jools Holland:

Myleene Klass: "OMG. Amy Winehouse. Exceptional talent and really nice lady. RIP." ...'OMG RIP'? Really?

Kelly Osbourne: "i cant even breath right now im crying so hard i just lost 1 of my best friends" [sic].

Selena Gomez: "Amy Winehouse died?! I was dancing to Valerie last week, you serious? See how drugs kill people? R.I.P” - Nice one.

BBC News: "Daily Telegraph rock critic Neil McCormick said he was 'utterly shocked' at her death." Thanks for your insight; not really much of a 'rock critic' if you didn't see that one coming.

BBC News: "Doug Charles-Ridler, co-owner of Winehouse's favourite Camden pub The Hawley Arms, called her 'a special person with a good soul', adding, 'this should not have happened'. " Probably kept the pints pouring though, didn't you, buddy? That'll be £4.50 please, love!

Back to black, indeed; truly, a "losing game" all round.

Utterly disgusted regards,