Monday, 29 December 2008

Dear Lord God Almighty

Lord, please bring hypothermia to all those who queued outside a high street store at the arse-crack of dawn these past few days just to get their pathetic, grasping hands on a Gucci handbag at 50% off. Smite down the management team at Next, too, for having the gall to open their sale doors at 5am, thus ruining Christmas for their employees and making an all-round sterling contributing to the general decline of civilisation as we know it.

Bring them a miserable shivering death, Lord, as penance for being some of the lowliest cunts to have ever been shat into existence. And while you're at it, please take out Candice Bushnell and the entire cast of Sex and the City as penance for what they've done to the world. Darren Star's let off the hook for the time being for writing the Teen Agent screenplay, but one more hint of a Sex and the City sequel and you can nail his ass to the wall.

I know I don't believe in you, Lord, but for granting this humble wish, I'm willing to try.

Prospective devout regards,

PS - Failing that, how about a storyline in which Kim Cattrall's character finally gets AIDS? I'd love to see how "Faaaaab-ulous!" Samantha would think that was.

No comments: