Dear Boris Johnson

Might I be so bold to suggest that your quest to end the knife-crime "epidemic" in our beloved capital is unlikely to be helped in any way by getting together with Lily Allen for a chinwag?

That said, I have been quite enjoying seeing the citizens of London get picked off one at a time, so feel free to carry on as planned. Next time you find yourself with a pressing and complex social issue on your hands, be sure to give T4 a call - I hear Alexa Chung’s quite keen to pitch in a few thoughts.

Heartfelt regards,
Davis.