Monday, 4 August 2008

Dear Patsy Kensit

Heard about your frankly hilarious reaction to finding out your Grandad was a crim during the filming of Who Do You Think You Are? Particularly notable was the part where you became so upset that you stopped washing your hair and took to binge-eating burgers.


Having considered this at some length while clipping my toenails earlier, I have just one question for you. It's only a quickie, won't take long:

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MAD OR SOMETHING?

(Mind you, I can't exactly talk. When I found out my Dad used to moonlight as a burlesque dancer I spent the next two weeks wearing an Osama Bin Laden mask and wanking in my own shit.)

Regards,
Davis.

PS - Surely it can't have been any worse than cuddling up to that cunt Moyles?

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