God, you’re talented. You’ve got so much talent. You came out of that fancy performing school and everything. We know how talented you are because – in what must surely be a world-first for our image-obsessed culture - so far no-one’s mentioned the fact that you’re a gobby bum-chinned chobber with a face like a tub of squashed Play-Doh.
Nice voice and all, and Cold Shoulder’s quite a good tune. But Chasing Pavements? You’d be better off clamping your jaws around one and waiting for a bored Nazi thug to come along and put you out of our misery. Where’s Ed Norton when you need him?